So...who is it about anyway?

We go through life trying to take care of ourselves -- trying to get ahead, trying to reach the top. That is what our culture has programmed into us. Look out for yourself because no one else is going to!

There are certainly things we need to do to be healthy. There's the physical -- eat right, sleep enough, get lots of exercise, etc. The physical affects all other levels of our being. Spiritual, mental and emotional. We also need to take care of those levels by communing with God, following His principles for life, and keeping our environment as free of emotional toxins as possible.

This past week, well more like the past year, my environment has had more than the usual share of emotional toxins. I have learned multiple ways of dealing with them. From adding more physical exercise, to going into deep dark times of denial, to blocking everything else out except things I can excel at, I've "dealt" with them. Not always in a healthy manner, but I've made it through.

But back to this past week -- I found myself very overwhelmed with a few situations that hurt me deeply, but I didn't know how to handle them. In both situations I have yet to have the opportunity to talk with the individual(s).

This has been quite literally making me ill. And miserable. And anxious. And teary. And panicky. All of those things combined do not make for a person that people want to be around! Not even me! I wanted to throw myself off a bridge or something. Well, not all of me, just the anxious-miserable-emotional part.

And then I had a revelation.

It was as if God whispered in my ear, "Hey girl, it's not really about you anyway."

And I said, "whaaaaat?" (sometimes I can be a little slow when it comes to comprehension)

But He said again, "It's not really about you. What would happen if you just listened? What would happen if you just stopped creating every possible argument in your head, imagining everything the other person will say, and just waited? In peace. MY peace. I haven't left you, even when you've done things that have gone against my path for you. I'm still here, I'll be with you then, and I will be with you afterwards. We can get through this together. It's not about you."

Wow. What a revelation. I mean, sometimes I WANT it to be about me!! But in these situations, worrying so much about what to say, what might be said, and how to respond was sucking the life out of me.

"It's not about you anyway"

Well then, who IS it about? First of all, it's about Him. It's about what He wants to do in my heart and life, and in the hearts and lives of others. Secondly, it's about others. "But Lord, even when they are hurting me?!" Yes, even when they are hurting me. Not that I should roll over and play dead, or let them do whatever they want, but that is the point of confrontation anyway. Even though it's uncomfortable. Even though I can't control what the other will say or do.

It's not about me. It's about Him...and them. And if I put them first, He will fulfill His promise to never leave me or forsake me. And He will protect me. Maybe not FROM hurt, but He will be there in it with me. Even if it's caused by something I did or said that I shouldn't have done or said.

Because I am His. And He is mine.

Loved with everlasting love, led by grace that love to know
Spirit, breathing from above, Thou hast taught me it is so
Oh, this full and perfect peace! Oh this transport all divine!
In a love which cannot cease, I am His and He is mine.

Things that once were wild alarms, cannot now disturb my rest;
Closed in everlasting arms, pillowed on the loving breast.
Oh, to lie forever here, doubt and care and self resign,
While He whispers in my ear, I am His, and He is mine.

Lyrics by George Wade Robinson